It's officially World Cup szn at Barstool, and you can feel the whole building bending toward Mexico, the USA, and whatever bit gets the most laughs in the group chat. Chief opened his morning the only way a man holding World Cup futures can — with a flaming trophy GIF and zero words needed.
Chief's good morning, World Cup edition.
From there the day went full tournament-brain. PFT slid into Wake Up Barstool mode with the classic 'I believe that we will win' chant repurposed into a 'WUB' bit, because of course he did. It's the kind of dumb-on-purpose chant that has a 100% chance of getting screamed in a bar somewhere this week.
PFT turning the USA chant into Wake Up Barstool ad copy.
The actual main event of the day is the new Macrodosing, a full World Cup preview that doubles as marriage advice for Big T — who, per Wake Up Barstool, is currently being showered with congratulations videos from Inky Johnson and Deputy Frank Sloup ahead of his wedding. The pod's pitch is exactly as unserious as you'd hope: soccer's biggest stage, plus relationship counseling, plus whatever tangent breaks out.
The new Macrodosing World Cup preview teaser.
The running theme across the office is that the USA's secret weapon isn't a player — it's the weather. Jeff D. Lowe nominated the sun itself as Team USA's best ally, and the Macrodosing guys spent a segment riffing that visiting countries are going to wilt the second they step off the plane. England fans baking in the Tampa sun at the New Zealand friendly already looked like Exhibit A.
Jeff D. Lowe's scouting report on America's best ally.
On the betting side, it's a Mexico-coded day. Chief rolled out an official World Cup parlay of the day stacking Mexico ML, Mexico over 1.5 goals, Mexico over 5.5 shots on target, and Mexico to not lose at the Azteca — a stadium where, he points out, El Tri hasn't dropped a competitive game since 2013. Zah piled on with a Mexico ML + over 2.5 ticket against a South Africa side he says couldn't beat Jamaica's U-23s, plus the 7,500-foot altitude doing half the work.
Chief's Mexico-at-the-Azteca parlay card.
Not everyone in the building is buying in — Conner Knapp went on Wake Up Barstool and said there are 'dozens of college football games' that top the World Cup, and it's 'not controversial.' That's a take engineered in a lab to get quote-tweeted into oblivion, which is the point. Either way, by kickoff the office will be wearing sombreros, chanting WUB, and praying the sun does its job.