Every great internet beef starts small, and this one starts about as small as it gets: grass. Will Compton, the former NFL linebacker turned Bussin' With The Boys co-host, declared he's done mowing his own lawn for good, framing it as a win for the working man rather than a flex.
Compton kicked things off by saying he's proud to pay landscapers instead of cutting his own grass.
Nobody is about to make me feel bad for not cutting my grass! Did that enough as a young lad And now it’s an HONOR to be able to support local landscaping businesses and those out there hustling to earn a good living
That's a reasonable take on its own, but it landed directly in the crosshairs of CaptainCons, who has built a whole online persona around the gospel of doing things yourself. He wasn't going to let 'nobody's making me feel bad' slide without a rebuttal, and he came in with receipts about pride, effort, and the actual quality of a DIY mow versus a rushed pro job.
CaptainCons fired back with a paragraph-long case for why cutting your own grass beats hiring it out.
Cutting your own grass isn’t about being able to afford landscapers It’s not about protecting your time It’s about having pride in the appearance of your home and wanting to take care of it yourself It’s about unwinding and then appreciating the work you’ve done It’s about the sense of accomplishment that you’ve improved your home with your own two hands Not to mention, most landscapers blow through your lawn as fast as possible to get to the other 20 houses that day so they do an average job at best
Compton clearly respected the effort, because instead of continuing to argue the merits, he escalated the bit entirely. He challenged Cons to put his money where his mouth is and write an actual poem about mowing the lawn — with a catch: Compton would print it out and hand it to his landscapers before they start the job.
Compton upped the ante, daring Cons to write a poem for his landscapers to read before they mow.
@CaptainCons You should write a poem about mowing grass. I’ll give to the landscapers to read before they start the job.
Cons didn't blink. He accepted the assignment on the spot, joking that there aren't enough words in the English language to capture the beauty of a fresh cut, but that he'd give it his best shot anyway — for the landscapers' sake, not Compton's.
Cons followed through, confirming he wrote and texted Compton an actual poem to pass along to his landscaping crew.
I wrote and sent a poem to Will via text. He will have it in hand for his guys
So somewhere out there, a landscaping crew is about to show up to a job and get handed a poem about lawn care ethics before they even unload the mower. It's a dumb, delightful little internet arc — a philosophical disagreement about self-reliance that somehow ended in actual verse — and it's exactly the kind of bit that makes these guys' timelines worth following in the first place.