The Browns lost their preseason opener to the Bears 34-10, and somehow that wasn't even the headline. The headline was the guy making $46 million this year going 11-of-15 for 126 yards against the guy the franchise is supposedly building around for the next decade. Deshaun Watson got the start, moved the offense well enough to account for all 10 of Cleveland's points, and got strip-sacked on a fourth-and-2 for his only real hiccup. Rookie Shedeur Sanders came in for the third quarter and threw a pick, finishing 6-of-11 for 79 yards. Numbers don't lie, and these ones are ugly for the direction everyone assumed this team was heading.
Dave Portnoy and the Wake Up Barstool crew broke down the Watson-Sanders split with the actual stat line on screen: Watson 11/15 for 126 yards with a fumble, Sanders 6/11 for 79 yards with a pick.
Portnoy's reaction wasn't subtle. He said the entire Browns organization needs their brains examined for the quarterback mess they're in, and it's hard to argue with him given how the franchise got here. Cleveland traded three first-round picks plus more for Watson back in 2022 and handed him a fully guaranteed $230 million contract — a record at the time and still one of the most infamous deals in NFL history. He's now barely playable and reportedly still owed roughly $46 million guaranteed this year, all while a rookie fifth-round pick who fell to Cleveland on draft weekend is out here trying to prove he's the actual answer at the position.
That's the joke buried in the noise, too. Barstool's own recap show ran a graphic literally titled 'Watson Outplays Sanders in Preseason Week 1,' which on its face reads like good news for the incumbent — except nobody actually believes Watson outplaying a rookie in a meaningless preseason opener resolves anything about the $230 million albatross still sitting on Cleveland's cap. It just means the QB competition, if you can even call it that, is still very much unsettled heading into the regular season.
Then there's Portnoy's other line making the rounds — that if the Browns ever win a Super Bowl, he'll become an Ohio State fan. It's a bit, not a scouting report, but it captures the vibe around this franchise right now: total disbelief that the roster construction ever gets fixed enough to matter. Watson turning in a clean-ish half against Chicago's backups doesn't change that math.
Sanders, for his part, still has every incentive to keep pushing. He was picked off on a badly overthrown ball, but he's a rookie getting his first live reps behind a shaky offensive line, and one preseason box score won't decide his trajectory. The real story is Cleveland's quarterback room remains a jump ball with no clear favorite, a $46 million albatross under center, and a fan base that's stopped expecting good news before it even arrives.