When you tell your coworkers you're having your wedding at an arena, you should probably expect the roast. Kelly Keegs apparently did not get that memo. Within minutes of the news spreading around the Barstool universe, the replies turned into a full-blown WWE booking session, and it only got better from there.
I’m scared of the Sw*fties but her having her wedding at an arena is gross. It’s almost unbelievable. Reminds me of Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth getting married at Summer Slam
The Macho Man reference is legitimately inspired. The SummerSlam wedding is one of the most unhinged spectacles in wrestling history — tens of thousands of people watching a couple exchange vows in a sports arena while grown men in spandex warmed up backstage. The comparison basically writes itself. And the moment Gaz lobbed that grenade into the timeline, Big Cat couldn't resist piling on.
Wait this is actually happening @kellykeegs? T Shirt Cannons? Is Undertaker doing one last hell in the cell match? Maybe a set from Billy Joel?
The Billy Joel suggestion is somehow the funniest part. There's something deeply correct about picturing a Barstool wedding with the Piano Man doing a full set between the ceremony and the reception. Big Cat also briefly floated the wedding party walking out to Phish's "Divided Sky," which, credit where it's due, is actually a banger entrance song and a real thing someone should steal.
Imagine driving down 7th avenue on your wedding day looking out your limousine window and seeing drug addict pan handlers to the left and Rico Bosco to your right. Really sets the tone.
That last one is peak New York City. The idea of looking out your wedding limo window and making eye contact with Rico Bosco on 7th Avenue is genuinely terrifying in a way that no other city on earth could deliver. At this point the roast has transcended the arena itself and become a meditation on what it means to get married in midtown Manhattan. Kelly Keegs wanted a big, memorable wedding. She's certainly getting one — just not entirely in the way she planned.