Nobody told Paraguay they were supposed to be nervous. Turkey came into this match needing a result to stay alive in Group D, and Paraguay came out and scored on their very first shot of the game before most fans had even found their seats.
Paraguay #23 slots home the opening goal inside 2 minutes — first shot, first goal, instant chaos.
First shot. First goal. Just over 1 minute played. Paraguay #23 drove through the Turkish defense and slid across the grass in celebration as the scoreboard flipped to 0-1. Jeff D. Lowe immediately flagged what this meant: a Paraguay win or draw would clinch Group D for the USMNT. Turkey was suddenly in serious trouble before the game had barely started.
Then it got weird. In first-half stoppage time, Miguel Almirón was shown a red card — reportedly for covering his mouth while talking to a teammate. FIFA has a rule against players obscuring communication to prevent teams from hiding tactical instructions from opponents and broadcasters. The rule exists. The enforcement of it in a World Cup group stage match, while your team is clinging to a 1-0 lead, is a different conversation entirely.
Down to 10 men for essentially the entire second half, Paraguay dug in. Turkey pushed, Vincenzo Montella's side desperately needed a goal, and Paraguay's defense held. The final whistle blew at 0-1. Turkey eliminated. The United States — who weren't even on the pitch — officially won Group D.
Turkey eliminated at the final whistle as the Group D standings lock in USA at the top.
According to Jeff D. Lowe, this is only the 3rd time in program history the USMNT has won their World Cup group, and the first time since South Africa in 2010. The USA also reportedly won back-to-back World Cup matches for the first time in 96 years. All of that, delivered by Paraguay, playing a man down for 45 minutes, in San Francisco. This World Cup has been absolutely unhinged and it rules.