The Barstool Cup has officially hit the part of the season where the vibes get weird and the scorelines get ugly. Episode 6 is out, and between Big Cat running up the score, Big T's pregame stretching routine, and Connor Griffin manifesting goals into existence, there's a lot to unpack from the indoor turf.
Crown went up 7-0 on DKFC and Big Cat called the dogs off in the name of sportsmanship.
Calling off the attack at 7-0 is the kind of move that sounds noble until you remember Big Cat is the same guy who would absolutely run it to 15 if the algorithm rewarded it. Crown was passing the ball around in the corners like prime Barcelona while DKFC tried to find a pulse. The sportsmanship framing is doing some heavy lifting here — this was a beatdown dressed up in a tuxedo.
Things got chippier from there. DKFC's Ella left it all on the pitch and then some, getting sent off after the ref decided enough was enough. When you're already down multiple goals and the red cards start flying, you know the day has gotten away from you.
Ella's send-off as Crown kept piling on DKFC.
Meanwhile in the other matchup, New Am City vs NAFC delivered the actual comedy gold. Big T (Conner Knapp, #15) treated his pregame warmup like a man who had not stretched a hamstring since high school gym class. The aura shift from Big T loosening up to Zah's hyped tunnel walk was, as advertised, drastic.
Big T getting loose on the turf before kickoff.
Then came the moment that will live on the Barstool Cup highlight reel forever. Connor Griffin, doing color from the booth, said something complimentary about a NAFC defender. Seconds later the ball was in the back of the net. Announcer's jinxes happen — this one happened in what felt like real time.
Griffin's jinx and the goal that followed within seconds.
And just when you thought the episode couldn't get any heavier, Portnoy showed up on webcam to deliver the news no Stoolie wanted to hear. Asked point blank whether Mintzy's contract is on auto-renewal, the Prez answered with a defeated 'unfortunately yes.' Mintzy lives to torment another fiscal year. The Cup rolls on.