The 2026 World Cup is barely out of the tunnel and Barstool has already found its angle: this thing is going to be the most aggressively American tournament in the sport's history, and they're leaning all the way in. The headline get was Folarin Balogun officially picking the USMNT over England, a tug-of-war the US side spent years on the wrong end of. PMT did the honors of toasting the news at halftime, Twisted Tea in hand.
The PMT crew breaks down the Balogun commitment as a genuine landmark for US Soccer.
Stealing a striker from England is one thing. Trolling them on their own training pitch is another. A TikTok creator in a Kansas City Royals #7 jersey walked up to young England squad members with a clipboard and got them to sign what was, in fact, the Declaration of Independence. It is the dumbest, most perfect bit of the tournament so far, and exactly the kind of thing that goes viral in a country celebrating its 250th birthday in a few weeks.
England's youngsters unknowingly putting pen to America's most famous breakup letter.
Meanwhile, Wake Up Barstool on FS1 has become Dave Portnoy's daily soccer-fan origin story. He admitted on air that he doesn't recognize half the countries in the field, then turned around and slapped a Dave Portnoy Guarantee on the USMNT smashing Australia on Friday. He also went looking for Freddy Adu, which is the most casual-American-sports-fan move imaginable when soccer enters your brain for the first time in 4 years.
Portnoy admitting he has never heard of half the countries in the bracket while the USMNT's opening win flashes on screen.
What's been surprising is the softer turn underneath all the flag-waving. Portnoy, of all people, copped to actually enjoying the international vibes — the Tartan Army taking over Fenway, the German guy going viral for loving everything about driving through America, Japan fans staying late to clean up the stadium in Dallas. Even The Wonton Don, who lived through Qatar, pointed out that every World Cup gets dragged before it starts and is incredible once the ball rolls.
Portnoy on Stock Up, Stock Down explaining why the soccer-tourism atmosphere is winning him over.
So that's the Barstool World Cup in one day: land the striker, troll the English, guarantee the Aussies get smashed, and quietly admit the rest of the world showing up to party in your backyard is actually pretty cool. America's birthday tournament is off to exactly the start they wanted.