Surviving Barstool Season 5 Episode 9: The Cruel Whack
TLDR: Five players, three idols, one necklace, and a council whose result was known before a card was read. Dana Beers won immunity for the second episode running, handed his idol to Glenny Balls in the open, and at the booth Glenny, Marty Mush and Rone all played one — which left Brandon Walker as the only man in the ring whose name could count. He went 4-1 to the jury as its eighth member, and spent the walk out asking what the challenge had been for.
Glenny accidentally voted for the wrong person. You can't make this stuff up. Watch Surviving Barstool LIVE NOW on @rumblevideo Premium
The episode opens on the walk out of the Tommy vote, and the show finally puts a face on the line from the end of episode 8: it was Glenny Balls who "voted for the wrong person." He was supposed to write Brandon and wrote Tommy — "I got so locked in on the boat" — and only noticed as he opened the door. Marty, voting after him, adjusted on the spot, and Jeff's post-mortem was that it worked out as intended even if nobody voted properly. Dana's read: Glenny wasn't pulling a fast one, because Glenny is incapable of fast ones.
Tommy himself was furious, and the jury bench had to be told to stop talking. He sent a message back into the game through Dana — Marty and Rone are dead to him — which is a strange thing for Marty to carry into a final five where his only remaining job is to be voted for by the people he has cut.
Brandon Walker is PISSED after finding out Marty faked an injury to get an idol
Brandon's only path was arithmetic he did not have. Rone offered him the one lifeline on the board: if Rone won immunity, he would hand Brandon his idol, making the final four a 2-on-2 instead of a 3-on-1. Meanwhile Marty realised he had never actually seen Rone's idol — "has this guy been playing me the entire time?" — and marched him upstairs to produce it. He did. Dana said the quiet part: how is it possible that he, Marty and Rone were walking into a final five with three idols?
Then the faked ankle came out. Brandon learned Marty's episode 5 injury had been a mission and went straight at him — he wanted the medic's licence, the camera guy fired, everybody fired — and Marty's defence was that he is still auditioning. For what? Shows. Rone's contribution: Marty method-acted the whole time and slept in the wheelchair.
One last challenge before the finale, this is where you will see where the real alliances stand. @nobull
Eight-layer towers, and after every layer a run upstairs for a ball you had to fire at somebody. Three of the five fired at Brandon and Rone every time — Rone said so at council, "3-on-2, nobody's winning that" — and Brandon still put Marty's tower on the floor twice and Dana's once, a shot Jeff called with capital letters. It was not enough: Dana, slower and steadier than anyone, finished first, stood the five count, and took his second necklace in a row into the final four with two shots at the final three, the next challenge or the duel.
Brandon collapsed on the floor and gave both readings of it himself: out of gas, or a man who had run the stairs seven times. Then he stopped playing nice. He went to Dana, Marty and Glenny one at a time and told each of them he would never vote for them to win the $250,000 — Dana for abandoning Chicago pride the moment New York called, Glenny because he does not work here. Rone, his last ally, told him he could not carry him any further.
1) I tried 2) 5 people at tribal council, 4 had immunity. What was the point? 3) the final challenge for immunity was a 3-on-2 handicap match. 4) Dana asking me to show Chicago pride while running to his New York buddies was crazy. 5) Glenny doesn’t even work here.
Jeff opened council on something that had crossed the production's desk: players texting the jury. Dana admitted he had, Marty said he had apologised to one person, Rone said it should be a disqualification, and Brandon asked whether anybody could focus on him getting voted out. Then the cards: Rone first, Dana, Glenny — "Brandon Walker. Goodbye, sir. It's been fun shouting with you" — Brandon, and Marty last.
Before the read, Glenny played the idol Dana had given him. Marty played his own. Rone played his own. Jeff said the rest out loud: Brandon was the only person who could have votes cast against him. He read three — Brandon, Glenny (Brandon's own, claimed at the booth), Brandon — and stopped. Four cards carried Brandon's name; the one that didn't had already been cancelled. Fourteenth out, eighth juror, and Brandon's exit line was the season's whole argument in a sentence: everybody had one and nobody had to play them until tonight, so what was the challenge for?
Dana won Build and Bash — eight-layer towers, a ball from the balcony after every layer, and a five count once you called for a check — with Brandon knocking Marty's tower down twice and Dana's once on the way. That put the necklace on the one man Brandon could not have got the votes to remove anyway, and it settled the rest: Rone had promised Brandon his idol if Rone won, and Rone did not win. At council Glenny played the idol Dana had handed him after the challenge, Marty played the one he faked an ankle for, and Rone played the one he found in the first half hour of the game. Four of five were protected. Brandon spent the afternoon telling Dana, Marty and Glenny to their faces that he would never vote for them to win the $250,000, walked into the booth knowing it, and left asking the only question the night raised: what the challenge was for.
The argument left the ring within the hour. Dave Portnoy said he has told Jeff Lowe every year that the show runs too many idols, backed Brandon's rant, and wants jury texting to be an automatic DQ. Jeff's answer was that there were fewer idols than past seasons — the problem was three men sitting on them until the final five, one of them from episode 1 — and his fix is time limits, or an idol-free season if there is one. Marty allowed that production had to be furious, and that they played them too well.
The final four is Dana Beers, Glenny Balls, Marty Mush and Rone, with no idols left anywhere. The finale is one more immunity challenge, then a duel for the last seat in the final three, and the duel's loser joins Tommy and Brandon on a jury of nine that decides who takes the $250,000.