There's a point in every losing stretch where the diagnosis stops being baseball and starts being vibes. The Cubs hit that point on Friday afternoon at Wrigley, and the Giants were happy to help them get there. Willy Adames put one in orbit early to set the tone, and from there the wheels just kept coming off.
Adames' 10th of the year, 427 feet at 107 off the bat, gets the Giants on the board first.
It only got uglier. Matt Chapman emptied the bases with a grand slam that a Wrigley bleacher creature very nearly turned into a fan-interference headline, and by then the game had crossed the line from competitive into batting practice. Up 6-0 in the early innings on a sunny day at the Friendly Confines is the kind of beating that puts a fan base into open revolt.
Chapman's slam, with a fan leaning over the wall, made it 6-0 Giants.
Big Cat called it from the couch — "turbo dog shit tier" — which is the kind of scouting report that doesn't require a radar gun. By the time Adames went deep again and the scoreboard read 13-0, this wasn't a baseball game anymore. It was a public service announcement.
Adames' second of the day capped a blowout that pushed it to 13-0.
Which brings us to Chief, who has been doing the heavy emotional lifting for the Cubs corner of the internet all afternoon. First he announced he was taking a leave of absence for the World Cup and would reevaluate in late July, which is the fan equivalent of moving into the guest room. Then he came back with the actual plan.
Chief's prescription for a Cubs team in free fall.
The only thing that can fix the cubs right now is a fight. The need a brawl. A real one. Get the boys going. Togetherness. It’s the only way. Sign Rizzo for a day.
Is signing Anthony Rizzo for a day so the boys can start a brawl a real baseball strategy? Obviously not. Is it more coherent than whatever the Cubs put on the field Friday? Honestly, yeah. There's a long tradition of dysfunctional teams trying to manufacture togetherness through a benches-clearing scrap, and Rizzo — the guy who literally charged the mound in a Cubs uniform — is the patron saint of that exact bit. You could do worse than a one-day contract and a designated target.