Chief Wants A Cubs Brawl And A Rizzo Cameo To Fix This Mess

Big Cat called it from the couch — "turbo dog shit tier" — which is the kind of scouting report that doesn't require a radar gun. By the time Adames went deep again and the scoreboard read 13-0, this wasn't a baseball game anymore. It was a public service announcement.

Barstool Baseball

@StoolBaseball

It’s a BLOWOUT in Chicago

Which brings us to Chief, who has been doing the heavy emotional lifting for the Cubs corner of the internet all afternoon. First he announced he was taking a leave of absence for the World Cup and would reevaluate in late July, which is the fan equivalent of moving into the guest room. Then he came back with the actual plan.

Chief

@BarstoolChief

The only thing that can fix the cubs right now is a fight. The need a brawl. A real one. Get the boys going. Togetherness. It’s the only way. Sign Rizzo for a day.

Is signing Anthony Rizzo for a day so the boys can start a brawl a real baseball strategy? Obviously not. Is it more coherent than whatever the Cubs put on the field Friday? Honestly, yeah. There's a long tradition of dysfunctional teams trying to manufacture togetherness through a benches-clearing scrap, and Rizzo — the guy who literally charged the mound in a Cubs uniform — is the patron saint of that exact bit. You could do worse than a one-day contract and a designated target.