Joe Ryan walked into Progressive Field as an All-Star this season, sporting an ERA in the low 3s and a reputation as one of the more reliable arms in the Twins rotation. He walked out of it as a piece of baseball trivia nobody wants. The Guardians lineup did not just beat him up, they made history doing it, and Barstool's baseball feed tracked every gruesome inning as the total climbed.
Travis Bazzana's solo shot was one of the early home runs piling up on Ryan.
It started early and never let up. Brayan Rocchio and Rhys Hoskins went back-to-back in the first inning, and by the time Bazzana added his own solo blast, Ryan was already searching for answers. Hoskins wasn't done either, tagging Ryan for a second homer as the Guardians kept running out the same script: get on, sit on a pitch, send it.
The strangest part of the night belonged to Petey Halpin. The 24-year-old rookie center fielder hit the third and sixth homers off Ryan, and both were the first two home runs of his big-league career. Not a bad way to introduce yourself.
Halpin rounding the bases on his first career homer as the Guardians' total hit six off Ryan.
Six off one pitcher in a single game is not a normal box score line, it's a historical footnote. Ryan tied for the most home runs allowed by a pitcher in a game, becoming the 12th pitcher since 1901 to give up six in an outing, and the first American League pitcher to do it since James Shields back in 2010. That's the kind of company that gets you a spot in the record book for the wrong reasons.
Barstool's account kept the piñata joke going as the barrage continued, riffing on the idea of the Guardians literally hitting Ryan, which by that point in the game was barely an exaggeration.
A piñata-smashing clip used as a joke on the Guardians 'hitting' Joe Ryan all night.
Cleveland wasn't done at six. A seventh homer, off the bat of Patrick Bailey, pushed the barrage to a season high for the Guardians and turned what started as an ugly outing into a full-blown rout, a 13-4 final that will follow Ryan around for a while.
Patrick Bailey's homer made it seven for the Guardians on the night, one shy of the franchise record.
Ryan settled for a modest $6.1 million deal for 2026 after avoiding arbitration, a bargain contract given the All-Star year he'd been having before Monday. One start doesn't erase a breakout season, but it's a brutal line to carry into whatever comes next, especially with his name now floated as a potential trade chip. Cleveland, meanwhile, just reminded everyone its lineup can turn any pitcher's night into a nightmare, record book and all.