For a guy who treats the Premier League like a personal arcade, Haaland walking around without a World Cup goal to his name has always felt like a glitch in the matrix. Norway hadn't even been to the tournament since 1998 before this thing kicked off, so the 28th minute in Boston Group I was a long time coming — and naturally, the big Norwegian opened his account with a header, of all things.
Haaland rises in the box and nods home his first-ever World Cup goal to put Norway 1-0 up on Iraq.
Iraq, to their credit, did not roll over. The Lions of Mesopotamia have been one of the quiet stories of the group stage — physical, organized, and unbothered by the moment — and they punched right back ten minutes later with a header of their own to level it 1-1. For about four minutes it looked like Norway might actually be in a real fight on the biggest stage they've seen in a generation.
Iraq answer the Haaland opener with a header of their own to make it 1-1 in the 38th.
That fight lasted exactly until Iraq tried to play out the back. A costly giveaway in the defensive third dropped the ball at Haaland's feet, and asking him to miss a tap-in is asking water to flow uphill. 1-2 in the 42nd, brace before the whistle, and a dejected Iraqi keeper in yellow staring at the turf wondering what just happened.
An Iraq mistake at the back hands Haaland his second of the half right before the break.
The booth was loving every second of it — Barstool's soccer set running the Pepsi-sponsored Chef Donny crispy tuna rice bit between goals like the whole thing was scripted for content. Two goals in 14 minutes, a sponsored snack run, and Chief on the timeline insisting Haaland has to have a 45-inch vertical based on the header alone. Hard to argue when the guy is 6-foot-4 and elevating like he's trying to dunk on the crossbar.
The Barstool soccer broadcast booth gets fed crispy tuna rice mid-call as Norway pulls back ahead.
Halftime: Norway 2, Iraq 1, and the Haaland World Cup era is officially open for business. If the second half holds, the scariest striker on the planet just got the monkey off his back in his very first tournament appearance — which is the kind of thing that should terrify everyone else still alive in this bracket.