The Premier League doesn't kick off for another month, but BarstoolChief already found a way to make everyone care. The bit is simple: reply with three things about yourself, your hometown, and whatever quirks make you you, and he'll assign you a club for the season. No context, no explanation, just a verdict.
Chief kicked off the bit by pointing out the season opener is basically a month away and inviting followers to submit themselves for a team assignment.
It worked immediately because it taps into something real. Picking a Premier League team as an American fan is a genuinely weird process — nobody's born into it, so people either latch onto a player, a city they visited, or just vibes. Chief cut out the research entirely and started making the calls himself based on nothing but personality traits, which is somehow more accurate than most people's actual reasoning.
Brandon Walker, known on the internet as BFW, walked right into it by offering up the most Brandon Walker answer possible.
Brandon Walker submitted himself for a team assignment with three facts: a Ford F-150, a belief in the vertical passing game, and a love of giraffes.
@BarstoolChief My name is Brandon Walker I drive a ford f-150 I believe in the vertical passing game I love giraffes
Chief didn't miss a beat. Long balls, a red and black truck, giraffes ranking somewhere around fifth-coolest animal locally — the read landed him at Brentford, the west London club known for punching above its budget with a data-driven, long-ball-heavy style under the bees crest.
Chief broke down the exact logic that got Brandon Walker slotted into Brentford.
From there it turned into a full assembly line. Spurs went to someone from a bougie area with a great brand and zero trophies to show for it. Leeds went to a proud, working-class type whose name just happened to start with L. Someone chill from the south landed at Brighton, a West Ham nod got tangled up with a Paramount+ joke about a local news anchor, and Nottingham Forest and Bournemouth both got handed out with their own one-liners about stress and small-budget overachieving.
Not every assignment was a punchline, though. When Chief got to Newcastle, the read was pure affection — rainy, northern, a fan base everyone else thinks is a little unhinged, which is basically the whole appeal of St. James' Park.
The Newcastle assignment came paired with real matchday footage of a supporters' tifo, backing up the 'great fan base' read with the genuine article.
The Premier League's actual 2026-27 opener is still roughly a month out, so there's plenty of runway left for this thing to snowball. Chief already confirmed he's not done, and reactions like Zah's self-diagnosed 'Arsenal derangement syndrome' suggest fans are just as invested in getting roasted into a fandom as Chief is in handing them out.